Augusten Burroughs Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Augusten Burroughs

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Augusten Burroughs Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Augusten Burroughs on Wise Famous Quotes.

Augusten Burroughs quotes: But I can also write in crappy motel rooms, while standing in line, or sitting in the dentist's chair. But I can also write in crappy motel rooms, while standing in line, or sitting in the dentist's chair.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child. I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: How could something have no end, and if it had no end exactly where did it leave us? How could something have no end, and if it had no end exactly where did it leave us?
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Nothing surprises me now, I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis. Nothing surprises me now, I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: There's never a false note in a Berg novel. There's never a false note in a Berg novel.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: My worth depended on where exactly the decimal was placed among the zeroes. My worth depended on where exactly the decimal was placed among the zeroes.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Before I'm a writer, I'm definitely a reader and when I read memoir, I really want it to be true. Before I'm a writer, I'm definitely a reader and when I read memoir, I really want it to be true.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: It terrified me to consider: What if, as a grown-up, I craved another body beside me as still as this one? What then? It terrified me to consider: What if, as a grown-up, I craved another body beside me as still as this one? What then?
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Love is a helium-based emotion; Love always takes the high road. Love is a helium-based emotion; Love always takes the high road.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I would borrow the microphone and stuff it down the front of my pants, examining myself from every angle in the mirror I would borrow the microphone and stuff it down the front of my pants, examining myself from every angle in the mirror
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Bad news should be followed with soup. Then a nap. Bad news should be followed with soup. Then a nap.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Smoking had become my favorite thing in the world to do. It was like having instant comfort, no matter where or when. Smoking had become my favorite thing in the world to do. It was like having instant comfort, no matter where or when.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Reading takes solitude and it takes focus. Reading takes solitude and it takes focus.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I discovered the bleeding when he licked my hand and left a swath of blood behind, death's autograph. I discovered the bleeding when he licked my hand and left a swath of blood behind, death's autograph.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: This is what happens when you go against the grain of truth: you get splinters later on. This is what happens when you go against the grain of truth: you get splinters later on.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I felt deeply tricked. Stunned. And furious. I also felt my default emotion: numbness. I felt deeply tricked. Stunned. And furious. I also felt my default emotion: numbness.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping. Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: As my friend Amy observed: "Divorce is like a Polaroid picture. What truly happened will develop over time and you will see. As my friend Amy observed: "Divorce is like a Polaroid picture. What truly happened will develop over time and you will see.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I was like a packet of powdered Sea Monkeys and they were like water. I was like a packet of powdered Sea Monkeys and they were like water.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: If you find you require willpower, you aren't ready to lose weight. If you find you require willpower, you aren't ready to lose weight.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Part of me felt deep compassion. And another part felt like, You fucker. Part of me felt deep compassion. And another part felt like, You fucker.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: It wasn't like he was holding me so much as trying to hold onto something. It wasn't like he was holding me so much as trying to hold onto something.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Imperfections are attractive when their owners are happy with them. Imperfections are attractive when their owners are happy with them.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I love to both give and receive very old books. I love to both give and receive very old books.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I don't think it's any more deceptive than wearing four-inch come-fuck-me pumps when one has no intention of ever fucking anybody. I don't think it's any more deceptive than wearing four-inch come-fuck-me pumps when one has no intention of ever fucking anybody.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Truthfulness itself is almost medication, even when it's served without advice or insight. Truthfulness itself is almost medication, even when it's served without advice or insight.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: No matter how awful something is, you can always sell tickets. No matter how awful something is, you can always sell tickets.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: But my favorite band is Curbside Life, out of Chicago. But my favorite band is Curbside Life, out of Chicago.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: George had been surprised by my ability to leave him. He had not seen that in me. George had been surprised by my ability to leave him. He had not seen that in me.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I'm tired of living in the shallow end of the pool. I'm tired of living in the shallow end of the pool.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: He was raised without a proper diagnosis. He was raised without a proper diagnosis.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: You need to grab your dream out of the sky like it's a kite and pinch the string through your fingers until you reach the spool. You need to grab your dream out of the sky like it's a kite and pinch the string through your fingers until you reach the spool.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people. Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: SEEING THE TRUTH MEANS looking at everything for the first time, every time. SEEING THE TRUTH MEANS looking at everything for the first time, every time.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: No wonder I had found that woman so offensive. Sometimes things feel that bad. Sometimes you just feel like shit. No wonder I had found that woman so offensive. Sometimes things feel that bad. Sometimes you just feel like shit.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her. Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: After was better. Before was only there so After could happen. After was better. Before was only there so After could happen.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: If i wasn't an accident mustn't I be a crushing disappointment? If i wasn't an accident mustn't I be a crushing disappointment?
Augusten Burroughs quotes: The most valuable moments and experiences that life has to offer are found only along its most treacherous paths. The most valuable moments and experiences that life has to offer are found only along its most treacherous paths.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: What is lint? How does it find hair dryers and navels? What is lint? How does it find hair dryers and navels?
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Delay is a gun pointed at the temple of confidence. Delay is a gun pointed at the temple of confidence.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: All a rainbow is is light that walks behind a raindrop and its colors fall out. All a rainbow is is light that walks behind a raindrop and its colors fall out.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Dutch isn't easy for the outsider to learn, because it's spoken from the back of the throat at the trigger spot for the gag reflex. Dutch isn't easy for the outsider to learn, because it's spoken from the back of the throat at the trigger spot for the gag reflex.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Augusten very distant tonight. Probably because of my games. Augusten very distant tonight. Probably because of my games.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: We haven't slept together. But we've napped We haven't slept together. But we've napped
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: It was a salad bar of phobias It was a salad bar of phobias
Augusten Burroughs quotes: And that was one thing I didn't want: NO CASUAL SEX. I thought it was disgusting, the idea of just screwing around and then that's it. And that was one thing I didn't want: NO CASUAL SEX. I thought it was disgusting, the idea of just screwing around and then that's it.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: We never sampled our drugs because we were afraid of them, but to admit it aloud would have broken the spell. We never sampled our drugs because we were afraid of them, but to admit it aloud would have broken the spell.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: You deserve to need me, not to have me. You deserve to need me, not to have me.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I wish Rick would be gang-raped by a bunch of Muslim garbage collectors. I wish Rick would be gang-raped by a bunch of Muslim garbage collectors.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: He likes people because he likes to share in conversations. I like people when they have large checks for me. He likes people because he likes to share in conversations. I like people when they have large checks for me.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: There is helium in his tone of voice, a lightness that means mischief. There is helium in his tone of voice, a lightness that means mischief.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: It is always safe to see yourself truthfully. You never have to be ashamed of yourself, with yourself. It is always safe to see yourself truthfully. You never have to be ashamed of yourself, with yourself.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Oh, I had a great time. My thirty-three-year-old boyfriend said he wished they could package my cum like ice cream so he could eat it all day. Oh, I had a great time. My thirty-three-year-old boyfriend said he wished they could package my cum like ice cream so he could eat it all day.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa. He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Red hair is great. It's rare, and therefore superior. Red hair is great. It's rare, and therefore superior.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: The events of the past cannot be fully understood when you are the only element of the past actively engaged in reliving it. The events of the past cannot be fully understood when you are the only element of the past actively engaged in reliving it.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Being busy is not the same as being focused. Being focused means being here. Being busy is not the same as being focused. Being focused means being here.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Memorization is not the same as remembering. Memorization is not the same as remembering.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: All of us are richer and more fascinating and more complex than we can ever know. All of us are richer and more fascinating and more complex than we can ever know.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I wouldn't want to waste any of my brain cells on forgiving if it's holding me back. I wouldn't want to waste any of my brain cells on forgiving if it's holding me back.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Signs with missing letters can only mean bad things. Signs with missing letters can only mean bad things.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: People believe in god because they can't think to be alone. People believe in god because they can't think to be alone.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: My attraction had been immediate and profound. And it had nothing to do with the way he looked. My attraction was to what resided between his lines. My attraction had been immediate and profound. And it had nothing to do with the way he looked. My attraction was to what resided between his lines.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: You cannot be a prisoner of your past against your will. Because you can only live in the past inside your mind. You cannot be a prisoner of your past against your will. Because you can only live in the past inside your mind.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: And of course, the answer came to me in the same way Jesus comes to those who drink in trailers: as an epiphany. And of course, the answer came to me in the same way Jesus comes to those who drink in trailers: as an epiphany.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic. And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I will please shut the hell up the day you please drop the hell dead I will please shut the hell up the day you please drop the hell dead
Augusten Burroughs quotes: So if you think the job really suits you, be you. So if you think the job really suits you, be you.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I realized I'd only seen him at night in dim, flattering restaurant lighting. The sun was not his friend. I realized I'd only seen him at night in dim, flattering restaurant lighting. The sun was not his friend.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: The most I would do was use the shadow tool in Photoshop to bring out the muscular rips in my stomach, which were honestly there. Beneath the fat. The most I would do was use the shadow tool in Photoshop to bring out the muscular rips in my stomach, which were honestly there. Beneath the fat.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do. You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: His laugh is made of porch swings and lemonade. His laugh is made of porch swings and lemonade.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I really look at my childhood as being one giant rusty tuna can that I continue to recycle in many different shapes. I really look at my childhood as being one giant rusty tuna can that I continue to recycle in many different shapes.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: If you hate life, you haven't seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and doesn't fit you. If you hate life, you haven't seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and doesn't fit you.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I like it when she's shiny, like a star, like a guest on the Donnie and Marie Show. I like it when she's shiny, like a star, like a guest on the Donnie and Marie Show.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: But I am not here ironically; I am here sincerely. But I am not here ironically; I am here sincerely.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I thought, This is how it feels inside the right decision. I thought, This is how it feels inside the right decision.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: The more obsessed one is with getting thin, the more certain it becomes that one will never get there. The more obsessed one is with getting thin, the more certain it becomes that one will never get there.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: My life came complete with a factory-installed biological brother seven years my senior. My life came complete with a factory-installed biological brother seven years my senior.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: The year I snuck an interracial lesbian couple into the background of an American Airlines commercial, I was feeling particularly flush. The year I snuck an interracial lesbian couple into the background of an American Airlines commercial, I was feeling particularly flush.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: The shame is disguised here as helpful. But both people in this conversation would know it was bullying. The shame is disguised here as helpful. But both people in this conversation would know it was bullying.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: The dark side of blogging is, of course, people can be (and are) just savage and uncivilized, deeply cruel and fully unaccountable. The dark side of blogging is, of course, people can be (and are) just savage and uncivilized, deeply cruel and fully unaccountable.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: She reminded me of a scatterbrained old Cadillac that had been driven into the ground but somehow kept on starting, without fuss. She reminded me of a scatterbrained old Cadillac that had been driven into the ground but somehow kept on starting, without fuss.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: My only ritual is to just sit down and write, write every day. My only ritual is to just sit down and write, write every day.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: How can you really miss something when you never experienced it? How can you really miss something when you never experienced it?
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Applause is a constant thing in AA. It's how we buy drinks for each other. Applause is a constant thing in AA. It's how we buy drinks for each other.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: If you loathe your job, the situation is improved if you can do it in your underwear. Drunk. If you loathe your job, the situation is improved if you can do it in your underwear. Drunk.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: In a way, I am a psychological transsexual, always trying to "pass" for a normal person but being clocked every time. In a way, I am a psychological transsexual, always trying to "pass" for a normal person but being clocked every time.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: You know, American alcoholics are pretty fucking hard to insult. You know, American alcoholics are pretty fucking hard to insult.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Bookman isn't a stable man. He has a lot of problems that run very, very deep. But he was really good at giving head. Bookman isn't a stable man. He has a lot of problems that run very, very deep.
But he was really good at giving head.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Awe, I discovered, was my favorite feeling. It was a rare experience, but when it happened, it was like an orgasm for the mind. Awe, I discovered, was my favorite feeling. It was a rare experience, but when it happened, it was like an orgasm for the mind.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I made very good money and spent all of it every week. I lived paycheck to paycheck ... I made very good money and spent all of it every week. I lived paycheck to paycheck ...
Augusten Burroughs quotes: And I hope she does not live in a dark world. Because even the most terrible loss doesn't have to make you darker; it can make you deeper. And I hope she does not live in a dark world. Because even the most terrible loss doesn't have to make you darker; it can make you deeper.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: He's a really nice guy, if only I weren't me. He's a really nice guy, if only I weren't me.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Because all of us are made not only of what we have but what we lost. And loss is not a subtraction. As an experience, it is an addition. Because all of us are made not only of what we have but what we lost. And loss is not a subtraction. As an experience, it is an addition.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: If you hate your life, you haven't seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and it doesn't fit you. If you hate your life, you haven't seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and it doesn't fit you.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: I suppose home is, for me, more of a state of mind. It's really more of about being where I want to be with people I care about. I suppose home is, for me, more of a state of mind. It's really more of about being where I want to be with people I care about.
Augusten Burroughs quotes: Everybody in recovery smokes. If you don't like smoking, don't even bother trying to get sober. Just stay drunk. Everybody in recovery smokes. If you don't like smoking, don't even bother trying to get sober. Just stay drunk.

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