Doug Benson quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Doug Benson

Doug Benson Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Doug Benson on Wise Famous Quotes.

Doug Benson quotes: Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their acceptance speeches.

Rappers should be forced to rhyme in their acceptance speeches.

Doug Benson quotes: Even if you are 18, my advice to you is: plan for your future.

Even if you are 18, my advice to you is: plan for your future.

Doug Benson quotes: It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy.

It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy.

Doug Benson quotes: Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

Doug Benson quotes: A friend is someone I complain to about my other friends.

A friend is someone I complain to about my other friends.

Doug Benson quotes: I like to go see a ball game. I'll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go.

I like to go see a ball game. I'll have seven, eight, nine - 10 beers, and the second inning will roll around, and I gotta go.

Doug Benson quotes: Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes.

Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes.

Doug Benson quotes: The thing is girls will always say you're lying when you say you had sex with them when you're lying about having sex with them.

The thing is girls will always say you're lying when you say you had sex with them when you're lying about having sex with them.

Doug Benson quotes: Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.

Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.

Doug Benson quotes: J-Lo finally married into her own music genre. Crappy music.

J-Lo finally married into her own music genre. Crappy music.

Doug Benson quotes: We don't want any pot-smoking vaginas because that's disgusting. And I saw it once in Indonesia, and I've never been able to get it out of my head.

We don't want any pot-smoking vaginas because that's disgusting. And I saw it once in Indonesia, and I've never been able to get it out of my head.

Doug Benson quotes: In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'

In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'

Doug Benson quotes: Marijuana: why forget something tomorrow when you can forget it today?

Marijuana: why forget something tomorrow when you can forget it today?

Doug Benson quotes: A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

Doug Benson quotes: Any comedic entertainment is better when you get high.

Any comedic entertainment is better when you get high.

Doug Benson quotes: I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.

Doug Benson quotes: If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I'm not going to get mad at them, because I've put it out there that that's what

If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I'm not going to get mad at them, because I've put it out there that that's what I do.

Doug Benson quotes: Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money.

Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money.

Doug Benson quotes: P. Diddy's gonna be exhausted, you know, running with the Olympic torch in one hand and the torch he'll always carry for J-Lo in the other.

P. Diddy's gonna be exhausted, you know, running with the Olympic torch in one hand and the torch he'll always carry for J-Lo in the other.

Doug Benson quotes: I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.

I used to make love to Green Day's music. But 9 minutes? I'm not Superman.

Doug Benson quotes: You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

Doug Benson quotes: Big deal ... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs.

Big deal ... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs.

Doug Benson quotes: The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.

Doug Benson quotes: LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.

Doug Benson quotes: I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it.

I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it.

Doug Benson quotes: I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject.

I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject.

Doug Benson quotes: Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.

Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.

Doug Benson quotes: Do you get a nice monthly check from the government for dwelling on things?

Do you get a nice monthly check from the government for dwelling on things?

Doug Benson quotes: Willem Dafoe is a shithead.

Willem Dafoe is a shithead.

Doug Benson quotes: I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm telling a lot of jokes about it.

I made some jokes about weed, got some laughs, made some more jokes, got some more laughs; next thing you know, I'm telling a lot of jokes about it.

Doug Benson quotes: The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads.

The whole pot-to-alcohol thing is a huge issue with me, because I've grown to hate drunks so much, and like potheads.