Felipe Esparza quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Felipe Esparza

Felipe Esparza Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Felipe Esparza on Wise Famous Quotes.

Felipe Esparza quotes: Wrestling is only gay when you make eye contact.

Wrestling is only gay when you make eye contact.

Felipe Esparza quotes: I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

Felipe Esparza quotes: According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

Felipe Esparza quotes: I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.

I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.

Felipe Esparza quotes: Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.

Felipe Esparza quotes: Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.

Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.

Felipe Esparza quotes: Halloween is the only day I can dress up like a hot Latina woman with a beer belly.

Halloween is the only day I can dress up like a hot Latina woman with a beer belly.

Felipe Esparza quotes: We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

Felipe Esparza quotes: I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.

I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.

Felipe Esparza quotes: A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.

A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.

Felipe Esparza quotes: I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.

I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.

Felipe Esparza quotes: I used to work at UPS I got fired for unloading packages into my car.

I used to work at UPS I got fired for unloading packages into my car.

Felipe Esparza quotes: I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.

I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.

Felipe Esparza quotes: Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

Felipe Esparza quotes: I love my dad. He used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico. So it was cool growing up with him, because when he hit us, he didn't really hit

I love my dad. He used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico. So it was cool growing up with him, because when he hit us, he didn't really hit us.

Felipe Esparza quotes: I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.

I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.

Felipe Esparza quotes: Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.

Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.

Felipe Esparza quotes: Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food.

Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food.

Felipe Esparza quotes: I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. And then I would take that money and give it to her as child support.

I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. And then I would take that money and give it to her as child support.

Felipe Esparza quotes: Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.

Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.

Felipe Esparza quotes: The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

Felipe Esparza quotes: The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

Felipe Esparza quotes: You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

Felipe Esparza quotes: My dad was one of those dads that would make me stop crying by threatening to beat me.

My dad was one of those dads that would make me stop crying by threatening to beat me.

Felipe Esparza quotes: I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

Felipe Esparza quotes: I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body - this is a tell

I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body - this is a tell nobody.

Felipe Esparza quotes: I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

Felipe Esparza quotes: If you have a fat brother or sister you might be American.

If you have a fat brother or sister you might be American.

Felipe Esparza quotes: While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.

While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.