Colbert's Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Colbert's
Colbert's Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Colbert's quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway.
— Stephen Colbert
The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.
— Stephen Colbert
Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.
— Stephen Colbert
F**k them is what I say. I hate those ebooks. They can not be the future. They may well be. I will be dead. I won't give a s**t.
— Maurice Sendak
![Colbert's Quotes By Stephen Colbert: Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be](https://www.wisefamousquotes.com/images/colberts-quotes-by-stephen-colbert-1190775.jpg "Colbert's Quotes By Stephen Colbert: Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be")
Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
— Stephen Colbert
Washington is dangerously positioned between two Canadas, Canada Canada and California's Canada, Oregon.
— Stephen Colbert
I'm the frosting on America's cake, and tonight I'm willing to let you lick the bowl.
— Stephen Colbert
Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
— Stephen Colbert
There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
— Stephen Colbert
Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
— Stephen Colbert
Thank God for Occupy and thank God for 'The Daily Show,' Colbert and the rising up that's going on around the world.
— Bonnie Raitt
Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.
— Stephen Colbert
They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.
— Stephen Colbert
It matters more what's in a woman's face than what's on it.
— Claudette Colbert
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.
— Stephen Colbert
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It's sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
— Stephen Colbert
Bam! That's me off the cuff. Blunt and in your face. No editing. I think it. I say it. You read it. Sometimes I don't even think it, I just say it.
— Stephen Colbert
NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter's 140-character limit, so it's not happ
— Stephen Colbert
Divorce is marital welfare.It's just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn't do enough research before they got married.
— Stephen Colbert
God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.
— Stephen Colbert
Obamacare needs the premiums of healthier people to cover the costs of sicker people. It's a devious con that can only be described as insurance.
— Stephen Colbert
As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!
— Stephen Colbert
Take away the Big Bang and what has God done? Burned a bush and got a girl pregnant. Great, he's a high school junior.
— Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert used to be my friend. I even signed the poor baby's cast when he hurt his hand.
— Nancy Pelosi
The only thing that gets me high is the musky scent of my enemy's fear
— Stephen Colbert
Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
— Stephen Colbert
It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
— Stephen Colbert
Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.
— Stephen Colbert
Why even dictate? Well, like a lot of other dictators, there's one man's opinion I value above all others. Mine. — Stephen Colbert
In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
— Stephen Colbert
All I can do is today and tomorrow and have some idea of what we're doing next week. That's all I can worry about.
— Stephen Colbert
I love the truth. It's the facts I'm not a fan of.
— Stephen Colbert
Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.
— Stephen Colbert
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach ... just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
— Stephen Colbert
The pistachio: it's just like our politics. When the two sides are divided, that's when the nuts come out.
— Stephen Colbert
There's a buzz to failing and not dying.
— Stephen Colbert
That's what's great about America: that our freedom of religion allows me to interpret the Bible exactly how it fits my worldview already.
— Stephen Colbert
Atheism: the religion devoted to the worship of one's own smug sense of superiority.
— Stephen Colbert
I believed in global warming after Al Gore's movie made money; the market had spoken.
— Stephen Colbert
There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
— Stephen Colbert
Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
— Stephen Colbert
God says that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. This means there's room for improvement when it comes to our thought life.
— Evangeline Colbert
I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry.
— Stephen Colbert
Citizens United said that transparency would be the disinfectant, but (c)(4)'s are warm, wet, moist incubators. There is no disinfectant.
— Stephen Colbert
I have a mug that actually verifies that I'm the world's best dad. That's a mug. That's not me talking. You can't just buy those.
— Stephen Colbert
If it's called the USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday?
— Stephen Colbert
Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty.
— Stephen Colbert
If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.
— Stephen Colbert
It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
— Stephen Colbert
John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody's compensating for his small government.
— Stephen Colbert
My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot, ... So we said, 'Let's give him a promotion.
— Stephen Colbert
Ghost of Bobby: no, no you can't eat me. I'm a ghost.Stephen Colbert: That just means that there's less bones to pick out. — Stephen Colbert
The casting couch? There's only one of us who ever made it to stardom without it, and that was Bette Davis.
— Claudette Colbert
I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
— Stephen Colbert
I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
— Stephen Colbert
If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
— Stephen Colbert
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Or, as it's known to Native Americans - Sarcastic You're Welcomesgiving.
— Stephen Colbert
Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.
— Stephen Colbert
Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.
— Stephen Colbert
Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.
— Stephen Colbert
History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
— Stephen Colbert
This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.
— Stephen Colbert
Equations are the devil's sentences.
— Stephen Colbert
(on fox news) ... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.
— Stephen Colbert
You can't really be passionately moderate. It's like wearing an 'Extra Medium' - it doesn't exist.
— Stephen Colbert
I gut check my show. I say, I say, "Gut, gut, does that feel true to you?" And Gut says, "Yes it does, Stephen. Let's get a grilled cheese sandwich."
— Stephen Colbert
Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
— Stephen Colbert
Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
— Stephen Colbert
If you imitate someone, you owe them a royalty check. If you emulate them, you don't. There's a big difference. Check your lawyer.
— Stephen Colbert
My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.
— Stephen Colbert
You can change the world. Please don't do that, OK? Some of us like the way things are going now.
— Stephen Colbert
I believe all God's creatures have a soul ... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
— Stephen Colbert
Any religion whose messiah's name isn't recognized by Microsoft Word can't be that much of
a threat. — Stephen Colbert
If there's a better book than this, I haven't written it.
— Stephen Colbert
I like being boring to a certain extent. I don't have to be flashy. I get to put all of that into a show, and when it's over, I don't have to be that.
— Stephen Colbert
There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.
— Stephen Colbert
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
— Stephen Colbert
Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor.
— Stephen Colbert
I love the earth. If you ask me it's the greatest planet in the world.
— Stephen Colbert
What's the worst that can happen? A tidal wave? Glaciers with guns?
— Stephen Colbert
My imagination has always been inspired by nature's vision
— Gregory Colbert
It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.
— Stephen Colbert
Most of us don't know about happiness until it's over.
— Claudette Colbert
It's no surprise I am addicted to all the Republican presidential candidates. They are like crack in that they will devastate black communities. — Stephen Colbert
I know what's best for me, after all I have been in the Claudette Colbert business longer than anybody.
— Claudette Colbert
Grief will always accept the invitation to appear. It's got plenty of time for you.
— Stephen Colbert
That's not a religion, that's Pokemon.
— Stephen Colbert
No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.
— Stephen Colbert
