David Sedaris Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about David Sedaris
David Sedaris Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational David Sedaris quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
If some people are "outed," are other people "inned"? Can we say that someone has been "besided" or "overed"?
— David Sedaris
Well, that's a hell of a reason to poison yourself.
— David Sedaris
The part of my plan that made old people uncomfortable, that exposed them for the bigots they were - and on a Sunday! - still appealed to me.
— David Sedaris
If practiced correctly, generosity can induce feelings of shame, inadequacy, and even envy, to name just a few.
— David Sedaris
Not giving is no different than taking.
— David Sedaris
If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt?
— David Sedaris
In his work shirt and underpants, he looked powerful but also cartoonish, like a bear dressed up for a job interview.
— David Sedaris
Thanks stadium pal!
— David Sedaris
To be exotic, on the other hand, one had to think not just outside the box but outside the world of boxes.
— David Sedaris
The Korean man nodded, the way you do when you're a foreigner and understand that someone has finished a sentence.
— David Sedaris
To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.
— David Sedaris
It made no sense naturewise - owls and songbirds work different shifts, and even if they didn't they would still never be friends.
— David Sedaris
It was, I thought, what evil must smell like.
— David Sedaris
Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about.
— David Sedaris
Having spent my life trying to fit the will of others, I was unable to distinguish between what I enjoyed and what I thought I should enjoy.
— David Sedaris
Now it seems cruel, abusive even, but this all happened before the invention of self-esteem, which, frankly, I think is a little overrated.
— David Sedaris
It's not lost on me that I'm so busy recording life, I don't have time to really live it.
— David Sedaris
And I'm here to tell you that, as long as you keep your eyes shut, it's really not that bad.
— David Sedaris
I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.
— David Sedaris
Drawing attention to Gretchen's weight was the sort of behavior my mother referred to as 'stirring the turd,' and I did it a lot that summer.
— David Sedaris
They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy.
— David Sedaris
I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything.
— David Sedaris
In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.
— David Sedaris
she was the human equivalent of a storm cloud.
— David Sedaris
Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
— David Sedaris
We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.
— David Sedaris
He has a point there, that's harsh. Unfortunately, they never gave him a medal for it and as a result he brings it up time and time again.
— David Sedaris
I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.
— David Sedaris
I think it's important to take chances.
— David Sedaris
My first boyfriend was black as well, but that doesn't prove I'm color-blind, just that I like big butts.
— David Sedaris
Something has changed, and now, when I look at my students, I see only people who are going to eat up my time.
— David Sedaris
Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing; in fact, most often, it's just the opposite.
— David Sedaris
Live with liberty, and your imagination can soar.
— David Sedaris
Boys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat.
— David Sedaris
I said that Santa no longer traffics in coal. Instead, if you're bad he comes to your house and steals things.
— David Sedaris
I don't have email.
— David Sedaris
It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a fist.
— David Sedaris
One burner represents your family, one is your friends, the third is your health, and the fourth is your work.
— David Sedaris
It hardly seemed fair, because, unlike a horse or a Seeing Eye dog, the whole glory of being a bird is that nobody would ever put you to work.
— David Sedaris
If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
— David Sedaris
I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call "understanding" is basically just fantasizing.
— David Sedaris
The Bible says that it's all right to cast the first stone if someone dead is telling you to do it
— David Sedaris
Gambling to me is what a telephone pole might be to a groundhog. He sees that it's there but doesn't for the life of him understand why.
— David Sedaris
A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.
— David Sedaris
Most of the blame goes to the director, who seems to have picked up her staging secrets from the school's crossing guard.
— David Sedaris
We sweat for our pretensions. It
— David Sedaris
When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out.
— David Sedaris
My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
— David Sedaris
Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.
— David Sedaris
The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing.
— David Sedaris
That man tried to picka my frienda's pocketoni!
— David Sedaris
Weird doors open. People fall into things.
— David Sedaris
I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.
— David Sedaris
Nobody dreams of the things he already has.
— David Sedaris
he's braw and pulchritudinous,
— David Sedaris
True art was based upon despair, and the important thing was to make yourself and those around you as miserable as possible.
— David Sedaris
It was like seeing someone who wore a striped tie or parted his hair on the left - a detail, but not a telling one.
— David Sedaris
The thing to remeber is that more than anything in this world, these colored people wish they were white.
— David Sedaris
Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you've come to mow its lawns.
— David Sedaris
I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple.
— David Sedaris
Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes.
— David Sedaris
In Paris you're always surrounded by French people.
— David Sedaris
Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage.
— David Sedaris
Every day spent with you is like having a cesarean section.
— David Sedaris
This is a busy week with me and lunatics, whom I tend to see as either signs or messengers.
— David Sedaris
It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.
— David Sedaris
Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered.
— David Sedaris
I've been keeping diaries for 27 years.
— David Sedaris
That be common for I, also, but be more strong, you. Much work and someday, you talk pretty. People start love you soon. Maybe tomorrow, okay.
— David Sedaris
The nice thing about crowds is that someone can throw a bottle and you don't take it personally.
— David Sedaris
Perhaps the little Negro girl was holding a concealed razor blade. Maybe she was one of the troublemakers out for a fresh white scalp.
— David Sedaris
![David Sedaris Quotes By David Sedaris: A good [short story] would take me out](https://www.wisefamousquotes.com/images/david-sedaris-quotes-by-david-sedaris-434568.jpg "David Sedaris Quotes By David Sedaris: A good [short story] would take me out")
A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.
— David Sedaris
Weeks passed, my suitcase grew more and more conventional. "I've got something for you," I'd say to a teenager. "It's nothing huge,
— David Sedaris
He led me to the barn, where a Mexican man stood waiting for his turn at the shower. "Whole-aah, Toe-moss," he shouted.
— David Sedaris
Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.
— David Sedaris
Either he was suffering a terrible case of gas or he had a pint-size child practicing the trumpet in his back pocket.
— David Sedaris
All I can say is that if it helps to have friends, it helps even more to have friends who are governors!
— David Sedaris
You know you're young when someone asks you for money and you take it as a compliment.
— David Sedaris
Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it.
— David Sedaris
The bow tie is like the pierced eyebrow of the Republican party.
— David Sedaris
