Engvall Quotes
Collection of top 85 famous quotes about Engvall
Engvall Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Engvall quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I'm a blue collar guy.
— Bill Engvall
I used to hunt and fish.
— Bill Engvall
I can't count the number of times I've been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair.
— Bill Engvall
When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?
— Bill Engvall
There's a reason God didn't give me this success in my 20s, because I'd have blown it.
— Bill Engvall
I'm from Texas. You would think my biggest draw would be in that state. But my biggest draw is Pennsylvania.
— Bill Engvall
America loves to watch people growing and getting better.
— Bill Engvall
I have fun on stage, so people think maybe they should, too.
— Bill Engvall
You know your getting older when you lay in bed til 10am and think to yourself god I just wasted half the day.
— Bill Engvall
God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work.
— Bill Engvall
In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.
— Bill Engvall
Just when I think the human race has been lost to the what about me people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.
— Bill Engvall
And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!
— Bill Engvall
I believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don't wanna climb on that.
— Bill Engvall
I believe that anyone who wants to wear a thong should have to go through an application process.
— Bill Engvall
I don't pick on people.
— Bill Engvall
If your mother still drives you to school, you are not a gangster, pull your pants up!
— Bill Engvall
I'm a California Angels fan because that's the first game my dad took me to see, and they stuck with me.
— Bill Engvall
I'd love to be a woman for one day of my life ... God ... I would be drunk with power.
— Bill Engvall
A lot of times you go to a concert, and when you leave, you don't know anything more about the act then when you got there.
— Bill Engvall
I've really got no complaints.
— Bill Engvall
I love playing the bitter guy.
— Bill Engvall
I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."
— Bill Engvall
Now people live into their 90s and beyond. As long as I have quality of life, I'm good.
— Bill Engvall
In syndication, the biggest buyers are car dealerships.
— Bill Engvall
I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color.
— Bill Engvall
I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads.
— Bill Engvall
Europe has such an expansive history.
— Bill Engvall
My favorite road trip ever is when my wife and I took an RV around the country. We just had the best time.
— Bill Engvall
You know as well as I do that the family sitcom was the stalwart of TV for God knows how many decades.
— Bill Engvall
Remember: Greed is a bad color on a person.
— Bill Engvall
People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don't want to turn on the TV and say, 'What is this crap?'
— Bill Engvall
I don't have big time celebrity friends - I'm just a guy.
— Bill Engvall
I'm here to kill the deer, She wants to take it shoppin.
— Bill Engvall
No sooner my kids leave their friends than they start texting them. And it's all in code in a language I totally don't understand.
— Bill Engvall
If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.
— Bill Engvall
Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.
— Bill Engvall
I love to laugh, and laughter is one of my favorite things. When you have a really good laugh, you feel great afterwards.
— Bill Engvall
I've about decided if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies.
— Bill Engvall
A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.
— Bill Engvall
It's fun being Bill Engvall.
— Bill Engvall
My goal is for 'The Bill Engvall Show' to be a show the networks look at and say, 'Ooh, maybe we should get back to the family sitcom.'
— Bill Engvall
I haven't been really nervous about a gig in a long time.
— Bill Engvall
You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!".
— Bill Engvall
I believe that the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach. It's a little further south.
— Bill Engvall
I'm a big animal fanatic.
— Bill Engvall
Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass ... but you just pushed my jackass button.
— Bill Engvall
That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men
— Bill Engvall
Can someone explain to me why pilots feel they need to wake everyone to tell us that we are flying by a cloud that looks like a monkey.
— Bill Engvall
It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy.
— Bill Engvall
To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.
— Bill Engvall
You can't tell somebody to kiss your ass on a scooter!
— Bill Engvall
I dream of acting with Kevin Costner. I would love to do a movie with him. Not something funny, but a dramatic role.
— Bill Engvall
You can't climb a tile wall.
— Bill Engvall
I like to hang on to cars. I'm not one of these guys that goes flipping cars all the time. If I find a car I like, I stick with it.
— Bill Engvall
How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?
— Bill Engvall
