Funny And Sarcastic Quotes
Collection of top 64 famous quotes about Funny And Sarcastic
Funny And Sarcastic Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny And Sarcastic quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther.
— Rowan Atkinson
Folks always look good in their coffins.
— Elvis Presley
Thought she said to leave the door open.""It is. It's cracked. That's Open. — Jennifer L. Armentrout
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
— George Carlin
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
— David Letterman
She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and by much the same class of people.
— Robertson Davies
A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.
— John Cleese
The Black Pit of Despair is temporarily closed for renovations. We apologize for any inconvenience.
— David C. Holley
Really, if the lower orders don't set a good example, what on earth is the use of them?
— Oscar Wilde
We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
— George Carlin
Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.
— Richard Belzer
Are you really speechless or has the vodka finally impaired your ability to function like a normal human?
— Heidi McLaughlin
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.
— Groucho Marx
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
— George Carlin
Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
— David Letterman
You're starting to sound like one of those songs that DJ's play when they wanna clear out the dancefloor.
— Alex Bergauer
Deliberate with caution, but act with decision and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firmness.
— Charles Caleb Colton
Oh, you're an expert in crazy people now?""A month with you and I feel I have a master's degree in the subject. — Jennifer L. Armentrout
Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.
— Stephenie Meyer
very funny my sarcastic friend
— Cassandra Clare
Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.
— Candace C. Bowen
We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters.
— Sandra Chami Kassis
You think he left a big flashing arrow pointing to a filing cabinet labeled 'Evidence Here!'? He's a Stray, Ethan, not Wile E. Coyote!
— Rachel Vincent
The true God, the mighty God, is the God of ideas.
— Alfred De Vigny
Little-known fact about cheerleaders: They keep schedules that would make grown marines cry.
— Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it.
— K. Martin Beckner
...and yes that was meant to be interpreted in a sarcastic bubblegum tone complete with clapping and jazz hands.
— K.R. Grace
Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
— Will Smith
You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you're smart, you'll end up as a comedian. If you're not, you'll end up as a clown.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
Size does matter. There's a lot of ways to make people feel good, but personally I think it does enhance things.
— Pamela Anderson
I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.
— Oscar Wilde
I sort of fell.""Percy! Six hundred and thirty feet? — Rick Riordan
Keep trying?I'd rather keep walking. I mean, whisky is whisky — Ljupka Cvetanova
I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.
— Rowan Atkinson
Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.
— Oscar Wilde
If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?
— Cynthia Heimel
He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.
— Anton Chekhov
Don't take life too seriously.
— RuPaul
Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.
— Oscar Wilde
Everyone knows what a hypocrite is. That's the guy who gripes about the sex, violence and nudity on his VCR.
— Zig Ziglar
I've been fortunate - I haven't had too many auditions. I slept with the right people.
— Pamela Anderson
To live as one likes is plebian the noble man aspires to order and law.
— Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Manuel will show you to your rooms - if you're lucky.
— John Cleese
When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play as well.
— John Cleese
Carpe Diem, just remember that we're partying on the Titanic.
— Will McIntosh
Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
— Mark Twain
