Funny Dark Humor Quotes
Collection of top 55 famous quotes about Funny Dark Humor
Funny Dark Humor Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Dark Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Self-doubt is a persuasive mistress; careful not to shag her or you'll never get your balls back. - Simon Hunt
— Dannika Dark
I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it's a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Knowledge is a rope, and you're weaving a noose out of it. Leave some slack for the enemy.
— Nenia Campbell
All lines are gray in the dark.
— Nenia Campbell
He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.
— Derek Landy
This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track.
— Erin Mitchell
I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn't talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband's murder.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I had aimed at Mars and was about to hit Venus; unquestionably the all-time cosmic record for poor shots.
— Edgar Rice Burroughs
I glared at Christian as the blood smeared around. "You could have at least licked it."He smirked darkly. "I hear that all too often. — Dannika Dark
My love is sticky, like glue. I'd kill a horse just to give you some.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she'd never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil).
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
You think this is funny?" I snorted. "You would. Your sense of humor is so dark, even the lesser demons don't get you.
— Pippa DaCosta
Only criminals and madmen walk into Central Park after midnight...or, occasionally, an actor. (Dark City Lights)
— Jane Dentinger
I make love like never, only less often.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Let me be clear: I don't want to make love to a mannequin - I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged
— Terry Pratchett
I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
My condolences, you're still alive.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
The guy had guts - I had to give him that. Later on I was hoping for a first-hand look at them.
— Rob Thurman
I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in.
— Dannika Dark
So I flirt with disaster once or twice. Who doesn't?"He snorted. "You don't just flirt with disaster, you have intercourse with it. — Dannika Dark
I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can't tell it.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
If I could bronze my love, it'd be worthy of a silver medal.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That's life. That's love. That's fiscally irresponsible.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way - contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore.
— James Hetfield
The dimple in his left cheek was ironic-it gave the impression that he was sweet as a cupcake. (Dark City Lights)
— Elaine Kagan
Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I love like I'm thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?
— Dark Jar Tin Zoo
