W C Fields Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about W C Fields
W C Fields Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational W C Fields quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
— W.C. Fields
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
— W.C. Fields
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
— W.C. Fields
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
— W.C. Fields
I've taken up the Bible again, somewhat in the spirit of W.C. Fields - looking for loopholes.
— David Niven
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
— W.C. Fields
I was in love with a beautiful blond once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
— W.C. Fields
He had a W.C. Fields twang and a nose like a prize strawberry.
— Kurt Vonnegut
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
— W.C. Fields
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purposeto make people laugh. — W.C. Fields
If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
— W.C. Fields
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
— W.C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.
— W.C. Fields
Never mind what I told youyou do as I tell you. — W.C. Fields
Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
— W.C. Fields
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
— W.C. Fields
I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
— W.C. Fields
California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
— W.C. Fields
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
— W.C. Fields
Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?
— W.C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes.
— W.C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
— W.C. Fields
When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says ... And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
— W.C. Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
— W.C. Fields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
— W.C. Fields
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
— W.C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
— W.C. Fields
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
— W.C. Fields
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
— W.C. Fields
How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
— W.C. Fields
Hi tooti-pie. Everything under control?
— W.C. Fields
No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
— W.C. Fields
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
— W.C. Fields
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that's enough to make a decent living. — W.C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
— W.C. Fields
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
— W.C. Fields
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
— W.C. Fields
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
— W.C. Fields
Try till you succeed ... if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
— W.C. Fields
There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
— W.C. Fields
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
— W.C. Fields
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
— W.C. Fields
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
— W.C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
— W.C. Fields
I never eat before breakfast.
— W.C. Fields
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
— W.C. Fields
I drink with impunity ... or anyone else who invites me.
— W.C. Fields
Never work with animals or children.
— W.C. Fields
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
— W.C. Fields
I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
— W.C. Fields
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
— W.C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
— W.C. Fields
I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
— W.C. Fields
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
— W.C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
— W.C. Fields
I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
— W.C. Fields
I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
— W.C. Fields
Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
— W.C. Fields
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
— W.C. Fields
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
— W.C. Fields
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
— W.C. Fields
After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
— W.C. Fields