Zach Galifianakis Quotes

Top 91 wise famous quotes and sayings by Zach Galifianakis

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Zach Galifianakis Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Zach Galifianakis on Wise Famous Quotes.

Zach Galifianakis quotes: I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92. I haven't been hit since Leon Spinks hit me in '92.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, 'Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.' When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, 'Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny.'
Zach Galifianakis quotes: You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group. You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I'm terrible at heights. I hate it. I'm glad I'm only 5'7. I'm terrible at heights. I hate it. I'm glad I'm only 5'7.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit. You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Hookers don't like to snuggle. Hookers don't like to snuggle.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing. My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I've never been in love ... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food I've never been in love ... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food
Zach Galifianakis quotes: The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to. The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven? Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean. I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women. I've been happily dedicated to the same woman for a number of years. I never even look at other women.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Touch my vagina," and she's like, "What!" and I'm like, "That's what you're supposed to say. Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Touch my vagina," and she's like, "What!" and I'm like, "That's what you're supposed to say.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: My forte is awkwardness. My forte is awkwardness.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar. You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people? Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people?
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie. I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Did you ever wake up with an erection ... and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!" Did you ever wake up with an erection ... and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"
Zach Galifianakis quotes: My real last name is Galifianakisburg. My real last name is Galifianakisburg.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: American society loves to prop people up and then take them down. American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese. I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy. I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!' Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: My New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself. My New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing. I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster. I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person. Actually, I used to be a busboy in a strip joint in New York and so I hate strip joints. I'm not that kind of person.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11." I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a conversation, I say "I didn't like 9/11."
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Head gear, plus acne equals ... table for one in the cafeteria. Head gear, plus acne equals ... table for one in the cafeteria.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?' I'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?'
Zach Galifianakis quotes: It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don't play on emotion too much. It's fun for me to couple emotion with comedy. I think it helps comedy. I think a lot of times American comedies don't play on emotion too much.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something. I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective. I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker. You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot. I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal. I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock. I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy. I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison. It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron ... and a lot like Patrick Ewing. My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron ... and a lot like Patrick Ewing.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions. My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy. I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks. I dream of starting a three-man country trio called the Chixie Dicks.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch. I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Tigers love pepper ... they hate cinnamon. Tigers love pepper ... they hate cinnamon.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it. Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver. I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage. I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of my face is rage.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit. I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I like characters that are fragile and a little bit on the edge . I like characters that are fragile and a little bit on the edge .
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people? That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people?
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I call my balls the bush twins. I call my balls the bush twins.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something. I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name and you've never been to that bar before. You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name
and you've never been to that bar before.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers. I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do. I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that. I just do.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever." The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever."
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship' I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship'
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me! I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness. I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: My comfort zone is press conferences. My comfort zone is press conferences.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically. When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing. Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means. The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I like to read the bible in public places where people are watching me read it. And I like to mumur out to myself: 'Bullshit!' I like to read the bible in public places where people are watching me read it. And I like to mumur out to myself: 'Bullshit!'
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed. I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of stand up. You're self-employed.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong. A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the audience is wrong.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that. I understand Tea Partyers' anger with the system, but they are in way over their heads and often racially motivated, and I can't be part of that.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: My father used to beat me with his belt ... while it was still on him. My father used to beat me with his belt ... while it was still on him.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I once walked in on my grandparents making love ... And that's why I don't eat raisins. I once walked in on my grandparents making love ... And that's why I don't eat raisins.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies. You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it. I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font. The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes ... with salad tongs. Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes ... with salad tongs.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling. I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles. If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted? At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole." I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope That's a Mole."
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done. Element of surprise is really fun for me in comedy. I have to be surprised, and everything's been done.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend. There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy. I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier. Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave. You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.
Zach Galifianakis quotes: I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and lost. Like myself in real life. I find anger to be funny. I find people that are so wrapped up in their own personalities to be funny, and lost. Like myself in real life.

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